An Open Letter to the estate of John Landis-
Obviously, reboots are great but we want to avoid some of the pitfalls of the modern reboot model while capitalizing on its proven ability to kick serious ass.
To that end, we view this as an opportunity to redesign the “American Werewolf…” franchise in a manner which will make it more appealing to our audience. Obviously, that begins with getting all of the froofy Euro stuff out of it. There is no legitimate reason why any reasonable person on earth would prefer to see a movie set in France over one set in the jewel of central Florida, Tampa Bay. Also, the titular “American Werewolf” in the original picture is, obviously, a little bitch. That is why we are evolving the title to “A Real American Werewolf” and, correspondingly, introducing our new franchise hero: Duke Stuffem.
Duke is a legendary jet-ski racer with a huge dick.
He’s always been content to shred waves, slam beers, and pound dimes, but ever since he was bitten by a mysterious dog at midnight in a graveyard during the full moon, a strange new hunger has grown in him. Now, as the Jet Ski World Championship approaches, will he be able to control the hunger, or will it control him?
Also, following in the highly provocative and attention grabbing gimmick of Ghostbusters and Ocean’s 8, we are going to be drastically expanding the female roles from the original “American Werewolf”. While we still utilize a male lead, there will be no fewer than 25 female leads in this film! That is because the central love interest for Duke Stuffem is the Tri-Delta sorority sisters of The Tampa Bay University of Modeling.
There will be still more prominent roles for women as a group of cheerleaders from the Texas Crypto-Veterinary Institute (shown in the illustration) will arrive and attempt to steal Duke’s heart, while also unraveling the mystery of his animalistic new powers.
Enter John Peacemaker, the newly appointed Sherriff of Tampa Bay. He’s not going to let this town go to hell on his watch, even if it means locking up all 50 horny co-ed’s in the same jail cell. He’s got to keep this town together as anticipation for the finals of the Jet Ski World Championships reach a fever pitch; and he’s only one man with a badge, a gun, and slightly above-average sized dick.
With the townspeople already buzzing over the rumored sightings of a huge-dicked werewolf around the beach, a single explosive incident could put the whole event in jeopardy and cost hometown hero Duke Stuffem his greatest shot at glory… and eternal life!