Why An Impotent Guy Might Be The Man For You

Many studies by top scientists in the field of attraction are starting to show that more and more women are starting to enjoy dating men who live with Persistent Nervous Impotence. 

By some estimates, as many as %15 of American males struggle with Persistent Nervous Impotence; a chronic condition in which men can not achieve or maintain an erection not due to any medical or mechanical issues, but more because of anxiety, depression, or cowardice. While some handle the matter quietly, with dignity, others find comfort in support groups.

To research this article, I spent 3 months undercover, attending support group meetings for people who live with PNI (or "PeeNIes"). I gained their trust and came to know them not just as PeeNIes, but as people. 

Full disclosure: They asked me to stop coming after I discreetly took photos and videos of their meetings, then sent them (along with some very humorous messages) to their jobs and homes. In this, I observed that PeeNIe's don't tend to have the best sense of humor but that is completely understandable. 

Based on my time undercover with the PeeNIe community, let me tell you the 8 reasons why you should date an impotent guy!

1. The PeeNIe community is extremely welcoming and supportive.

They value trust, transparency, and discretion above all else. They are the three pillars upon which the PeeNIe community stand. In fact, I heard the words "trust, transparency, and discretion" more times than I could count. It's like a mantra, or a creed. They just blah blah blah about it all the time. 

Men with Persistent Nervous Impotence have access to a network of supporters who can be as close as family. Just as many soldiers  say they form the closest fraternal bonds while cowering together on a battle field, PeeNIe guys have stood together in the most degrading and humiliating of battles, and that creates an inseparable bond.

I can attest firsthand to the fraternal support of the PeeNIe community. While I undercover, I was invited to go hiking (I went but it wasn't very fun, I wore some very uncomfortable boots and got a terrible rash), bowling (also not very fun, for obvious reasons), and to a baseball game (which I RSVP'ed 'yes' to but then no-showed, just to make an impression!). Several members were also very accomodating when I arrived uninvited at family gatherings, where as others were kind of dickheads about it (but you can't really blame that on having a shriveled little worm in your panties).

 I took this picture. The guy in the red bandana invited me and the other people are his friends or family or something, I don't know. The dog was really rude to me. 

I took this picture. The guy in the red bandana invited me and the other people are his friends or family or something, I don't know. The dog was really rude to me. 

2. He'll never cheat on you.

And not just because he physically isn't capable of it– or he is afraid that the floozie he is bedding will laugh at his limp dingus– but because the solution to Persistent Nervous Impotence is to make love in a way that fosters trust, so PeeNIe guys are uniquely capable of that. Making love to a man with PNI requires patience and trust. Sometimes, it can take years to build that sort of bond. But the Golden Gate Bridge wasn't built with a handjob, so if you put in all of that time to get him to feel really comfortable and safe with you, the bond that you'll share will be as magnificent as the bond between San Francisco and the Marin Headlands. And you know that is a journey that only the two of you can share.

3. Many of them are surprisingly strong.

Many people assume that impotent men are as physically weak as they are emotionally weak, but this is not necessarily true (in all cases).

For instance, this is a man named Dennis Neddlehoff (which is hillarious, because the whole time I was undercover I called him "Pennis Noodlecock"). He once picked me up and physically carried me out of a restaurant, and I was resisting literally as hard as I could.

4. You can cry with him.

Men with PNI cry all the time. It is one of the things that I admire most about PeeNIe bro's. Because they are already so unburdened of the expectation of masculinity, they are free to cry like babies. So you know that when you're watching a sad movie together on the couch, you can cry on his shoulder as long as he can cry on yours!

Again– these guys cry all the time. Some are weepers and some are sobbers. Noodlecock is a dignified, single tear kind of guy but he cries like the rest of them. You should have seen him shouting and crying in the  parking lot of his kid's school! What a jackass.

5. You can explore alternative forms of physical intimacy with him.

Like oral sex (which I personally find disgusting), cuckolding, pegging, and genital stomping. Whereas a more turgid lover may rely heavily on the basics, an impotent guy will be so desperate to satisfy you that you can probably do anything you want.

6. It's not decent to make a grown man beg.

And doesn't everyone deserve one chance at happiness in their life? One little chance? Or is that too much to ask?

7. You're probably not that great yourself.

I mean really. Look in a mirror and say to yourself "Who would ever want you?" I do it first thing in the morning, every day, just to stay grounded. Maybe you should try it too, because if you think you're too goddamned good to date a guy just because he can't perform sexually (like poor Noodlecock) then maybe you're actually just a judgmental asshole. So ask yourself "who would ever want you?" and see if you can think of an answer, because I can't.

8. Nobody owes you a god damned explanation.